size does matter

Here I will attempt to provide an answer to that question I know has been keeping you up at night: "What are the differences between a large academic institution and a small manufacturing company?" Hopefully this brief mathematical reference guide will help to clarify things for you. If you would like to ask questions or add more rules to this guide, please feel free to do so. Enjoy!



Rule 1:      HR = (e^s_c)/E_A

As total corporate size increases, silly HR stuff increases exponentially, but as the academic environment coefficient of one's workplace increases, silly HR stuff decreases dramatically. For instance, at a large institution, there is a big pep-talk and orientation for one's first few days, and nothing is really accomplished. However, one's benefits are probably much better than in a small company, as long as the appropriate forms are submitted on time. Deadlines are critical in institutional life, unless the academic coefficient is very high.


Rule 2:     lim     {E_pt/(B - p_p)} = 0
              B -> inf

The time-effort product required to push through a major purchase approaches zero as the size of the budget increases. Consider the following hypothetical example. At a smaller company, one might have a Pentium II, 286 processor computer that can't print to the network printer because it's still running Windows 98 First Edition, and despite having asked for nearly a year about getting a new computer or at the very least an OS update, never actually manage to get anything. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Also hypothetically, one might start a new job at a larger, perhaps academic, institution, and have one's PI (that's labspeak for "boss") approach oneself during the second day on the job with the news that "I ordered your computer, it's top of the line, with a Pentium 4, high GHz, plenty of memory and a DVD-RW drive, and should be here early next week." Keep in mind this is all hypothetical.



Rule 3:     S_t = N_d/E_A

The accuracy and strictness with which one must keep track of time and maintain consistent working hours is directly proportional to the nerd definition coefficient, but inversely proportional to the coefficient of academic environment. See also Rule #1.
Corollary: c + N_d = 1 (By convention, the sum of the coolness factor and nerd definition coefficient is equal to 1.)