size does matter

Here I will attempt to provide an answer to that question I know has been keeping you up at night: "What are the differences between a large academic institution and a small manufacturing company?" Hopefully this brief mathematical reference guide will help to clarify things for you. If you would like to ask questions or add more rules to this guide, please feel free to do so. Enjoy!



Rule 1:      HR = (e^s_c)/E_A

As total corporate size increases, silly HR stuff increases exponentially, but as the academic environment coefficient of one's workplace increases, silly HR stuff decreases dramatically. For instance, at a large institution, there is a big pep-talk and orientation for one's first few days, and nothing is really accomplished. However, one's benefits are probably much better than in a small company, as long as the appropriate forms are submitted on time. Deadlines are critical in institutional life, unless the academic coefficient is very high.


Rule 2:     lim     {E_pt/(B - p_p)} = 0
              B -> inf

The time-effort product required to push through a major purchase approaches zero as the size of the budget increases. Consider the following hypothetical example. At a smaller company, one might have a Pentium II, 286 processor computer that can't print to the network printer because it's still running Windows 98 First Edition, and despite having asked for nearly a year about getting a new computer or at the very least an OS update, never actually manage to get anything. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Also hypothetically, one might start a new job at a larger, perhaps academic, institution, and have one's PI (that's labspeak for "boss") approach oneself during the second day on the job with the news that "I ordered your computer, it's top of the line, with a Pentium 4, high GHz, plenty of memory and a DVD-RW drive, and should be here early next week." Keep in mind this is all hypothetical.



Rule 3:     S_t = N_d/E_A

The accuracy and strictness with which one must keep track of time and maintain consistent working hours is directly proportional to the nerd definition coefficient, but inversely proportional to the coefficient of academic environment. See also Rule #1.
Corollary: c + N_d = 1 (By convention, the sum of the coolness factor and nerd definition coefficient is equal to 1.)

LOST

So I had rehearsal tonight and forgot to set my VCR to tape the show. Actually, I don't have the remote for it, so I'm not sure I can set it anyway. If you taped it...I need to borrow it...

el araña que ladra

for those of you non-spanish speakers, that means "the spider that barks," or more concisely, The Barking Spider, which happens to be where I went tonight to satiate my craving for live music.

I hopped into my car earlier with no particular destination in mind, and began listening to a Katrina relief concert on WCPN (the Cleveland NPR station, 90.3). It was interesting, with good music, but Lawrence Fishburn was hosting, and he sounded like an idiot sometimes. So I changed the station to WKSU (NPR out of Kent, 89.7), which plays folk music on the weekends. After having driven around downtown, back to the near west side, and then downtown again (crossing the Detroit-Superior bridge going the same direction twice within 20 minutes), the folk music gave me this idea, and I turned to head toward Case and the Spider.

What a good choice I made... There was a 4-man bluegrass band there called Silver String Band, which was very good--bass, guitar, banjo and mandolin, with 3 of them on vocals and one of them playing harmonica occasionally. Good instrumental numbers, too. Anyway, I'm sitting there, enjoying the mood and what not, and I look down the bar and there's Dr. Garner, my o-chem prof, whom I had just seen a couple weeks ago after I had a job interview at Case. So I talked with him for probably an hour before he left, and then stayed until last call listening to this band. It was quite a pleasant night.

Also, if you're wondering about this job interview I had...I got the job. So, starting in a week, I'll be working in Dr. Focco van den Akker's lab in the Biochem dept. at Case, working on methods of inhibiting a particular type of bacterial protein called beta-lactamases (which, when uninhibited, destroy antibiotics like penicillin). I'm pretty excited. Plus I'll be making more moolah than I am now, so that's nice--moving from industry to academia often results in a pay cut. I guess maybe I'm just underpaid where I am now. Good thing it's only for 5 more days.... :o)

and you thought brown bananas were useless!

So i made some banana bread today, and it's pretty good. You should make it, too. Or come over and eat mine...there's a ton. :o)

Jared's Homestyle Banana Bread

1-1/4 c.	sugar
1/2 c.	(1 stick) butter, softened
2	eggs
1-1/2 c.	mashed super-ripe bananas (4 medium)
1/4 c.	sour cream
1/2 c.	milk
1 tsp.	pure vanilla extract
1 tsp.	baking soda
1 tsp.	salt
2-1/2 c.	whole wheat flour
1-1/3 c.	chopped walnuts (optional, but very tasty)

Preheat oven to 350 F and grease bottom of two 8.5" x 2.5" x 4.5" baking pans with shortening.

In a large bowl, combine sugar and butter. Mix in eggs until smooth. Add bananas, sour cream, milk and vanilla. Beat until smooth. Add baking soda, salt, and flour gradually, mix until moistened. Stir in walnuts.

Pour equally into the two pans. Place on low oven rack and bake for approx. 1 hr, or until toothpick inserted at center comes out clean.

Cool in pan for 15 min. Loosen sides with knife--PLASTIC if using non-stick cookware--and place bread on wire rack to cool for 1 hr. Serve with butter or cream cheese.

Makes plenty to go around!

so here's the deal

So right now, in addition to being mildly, or perhaps significantly, intoxicated, i think I can be quite honest, if a little more emotional than normal. I just got back from spending a few hours in coventry with jeff marsey, and had a fantastic time, throwing darts, drinking beers, talking about harry potter and friends in movies and whatnot. I had a great time. He's going to work at the shop at great lakes tomorrow and it makes me want to work there instead of where i work now, which for the past 3 or 4 weeks has been like hell--super busy to the point that i take 20 or 30 minute lunch breaks and leave half-an-hour late many, or maybe even most days. I really liked working there--GLTF, I mean--it was something i loved to do, something that made me happy, even though I might not have been using the full capacity of my "scientific training." Theater is worthwhile. It is important. It is rewarding. It is many things that chemistry (or the lame work I do right now that might qualify as chemistry ) is not. For one, theater is fun. What I do right now at work is absolutely not fun. Titrations suck my ass. It's a good thing I had an interview at Case on Monday in the Biochem dept. for a research job with a prof. who does x-ray crystallographic structure determination for proteins like beta-lactamase and inhibitor molecules that go along with it. (just so you know, i'm kind of proud that I can spell all those words right now. Hooray for me.) My boss and everyone at work isn't going to like it if I get this Case job...but that's okay. I like the people at Taskem. The work I do there (and, frankly, the whole industrial scene) just isn't my cup of tea. It's so repetitive/boring/lame/monotonous/redundant/repetitive. (wink) Anyway, this is my post for the night. Take it or leave it.

Also, I don't have a date for Friday night, like I had thought i might--Michigan is a little far to go for a date. But we'll see how that goes. I suppose I'll keep you 'posted'....Goodnight from drunk old me.